On Faith

"You have made us for yourself, Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."

~ St. Augustine of Hippo (350 - 430 A.D.)

I do believe that God reaches each of us uniquely, and that each of us, in our absolute uniqueness, makes manifest an aspect of our infinitely complex and wonderful Creator. We are, of course, made by Him, in His image. Does this mean that we can each have our own path to heaven? Well, yes, of course, yes.

That's not to say, though, that absolute objective Truth is not to be found. How can we believe something as important as the meaning of Life, and have that be a subjective truth? If my truth is only for me, if it's subjective, then by definition, it isn't really Truth, now, is it? I'm not trying to say I have all the answers. But actually, I really do think that despite my own humble falterings and failings, I do have the Main Answer. I do.

Oh, dear one, I so wish for you this peace and happiness! How frustrating it is--no doubt for you even more than me--that wanting to believe just doesn't make it so. "Give me proof," you say, "faith doesn't do it for me." After thinking about it, it seems to me that it doesn't really have to be all based on faith alone. It's just the first tiny bit--just open the door just the tiniest bit--and the proof you need will be there, if you look. It's like catching the light just right, and you'll see the thing you couldn't see when the cloud covered the sun, or something.

For me, the "proof" really has come largely through rational, intellectual means, rather than just "faith" or emotion or some kind of lightning bolt. My seeking has mostly taken the form of my favorite hobby--reading, reading, reading, everything I can get my hands on about Christianity--history, biographies, literature, apologetics. Oh, and, uh, the Bible!

But more recently, believe it or not, studying ancient history and the middle ages with the kids, I've just been amazed at how every bit of human history fits together so perfectly when viewed through the lens of God's plan of salvation for mankind. By this I mean that starting from the Creation of the world and the first people, history has unfolded in a logical, measured progression through the millenia right up to the current age, according to a structured and organized plan orchestrated by its divine author. The more I learn, the less likely it seems that any of this could be random--of course this goes for science as well as history.

So I guess you could say that I'm not really just taking my religion on "faith." I analyzed it until I was satisfied that it all fit together. Actually, that's how I ended up settled on Catholicism--so far, I've found it logically airtight, which is almost a joke to say, given the 2000 years of far more learned, wise, and even holy men and women who have studied this before me and come to the same conclusions! I haven't found anything that I must "just believe." To me it seems there is actual evidence for just about everything, when I look for it.

So back to this idea of a door open, just a crack. I really think that it all comes down to seeking. It's there. He's there. Really, really, really. Not in a "praise-the-Lord," in-your-face kind of way--unless you want it that way! Just in a quiet, powerful, deep, peaceful, loving way. Really. I can't tell you how much I wish for you to have this peace--it really is the key to a happy life, for sure. I would never, ever, presume to get between you and God, but please let me know if I can help in any way! I love you so!